NL West - Citizenship Revoked

Some people have this thing where they go through the divisions and tell you what they think that division is going to accomplish. Team by team. Well, I'm going to stick with the whole 'original' theme of this blog, and go with something new. It's been irking me all year. So:

I'm sick of the NL West. Let me lay out, in great detail, why I hate it.

San Diego Padres

First, Mike Cameron. Does anyone remember when he collided with Carlos Beltran last year? That was probably one of the freakiest collisions I have ever seen, and unfortunately I had to watch it live. Cameron was on my bad side for awhile after getting pissed about moving to Right Field when the Mets acquired Beltran. I know what it's like to have to switch positions, so I'm not angry at guys for being pissed, but it's something they need to keep to themselves. If they really can't handle it, tell the GM in private how you feel, then shut up and make way. Especially if you're Mike Cameron, and he's Carlos Beltran. I know Cameron's agent said that they never wanted his reservations about moving to right to go public, but still. In any case, Cameron is now in Center with the Padres. If you ask the Padres, they'll tell you they're pumped because now they've got someone with wheels patrolling that massive backyard, and they're ready for another championship season.

Let me explain something to you. The Padres did not win a divisional title last year. Yes, I know that technically they did, but I'll give Bonds the HR Title before I give the Padres the NL West. You don't go 82-80 and win a title. And if you do, you don't get to keep it. I've touched on revoking the NL West's citizenship this year, but now I'm just gonna say, they don't deserve a playoff spot this year. I don't care if one of those teams wins 162 games, they stay out. If you can put the UofM Basketball team on probation, you can put a division on probation as well. Meanwhile, you have the Blue Jays trapped in the AL East. So, give the AL another Wild Card Spot, and there you go. Bud Selig will never do this, and for that he is a weak man. In any case, the Padres aren't gonna bring home another 'championship' this year just because they have Mike Cameron. Seriously, the news coming out of Padres Camp is ridiculous. 'Padres reload in an effort to repeat.' Please... spare me. In all honesty, I don't know what the Padres chances are this year, because I don't like the NL West.

The Rest of this joke of a division

Why don't I like them? Not only are they terrible, but they're far away from me and they're Drama Central. Think about it - Barry's running around screaming at the media, the Padres are asking who the heck made center field 650 feet deep, the Dodgers are still trying to invent a successful 7-man batting order, the Diamondbacks are all over the place, and the Rockies are playing on the moon with a minor league team.

Arizona Diamondbacks

So, to go more in depth with the Diamondbacks, they were tooling around with a mean Redneck (Randy Johnson,) who vanishes to the team they somehow defeated in 2001, which is all the more hilarious because in 2004 they were actually a AA club - look it up. The Diamondbacks were so bad in 2004 that they managed to win only 3 out of every 10 games. In Moneyball, it's mentioned that all teams win a third of their games, lose a third, and the remaining third determines the best teams. Well, remember that crazy redneck? He had an ERA of 2.60 with 290 K's, and went 16-14. Still, Randy's wins accounted for a third of the team's wins that season. Here's something I wrote after the 2004 Season:

Randy Johnson has got to be on the verge of killing somebody. Near the end of the 2004 Season, he struck out 15 in 8 innings, allowed one run and received a no decision, which was on the heels of him pitching 8 innings, striking out 11 and getting a loss, on the heels of him pitching into the 8th, striking out 14, allowing one run, and getting the loss. So, lets review. In those three starts, he pitched 23.2 innings, racked up 40 K's, four ER's, and walked five guys. His record: 0-2. He has 14 losses this season - 9th worst in the league - with an ERA of 2.60 - second best in the league.

Los Angeles Dodgers

Next, the Dodger's 7-man batting order. Do you remember when the Dodgers traded Kaz Ishii to the Mets for backup catcher Todd Phillips before the 2005 Season? This was one of the worst trades ever. Both of these teams were going nowhere. The Mets got a guy who walks eight a game because he pitches around everyone, including pitchers, and the Dodgers got another catcher who can't hit. Apparently, they have a policy where no catcher is allowed to hit over .220. Piazza and Lo Duca - gone. David Ross? Paul Bako? Keep them. Phillips? Get him. Well, apparently the joke is up, because the Dodgers were able to grab a hold of Sandy Alomar for the 2006 Season. Slow down. This guy isn't an Alomar Jr., he's the original, and three months shy of his 40th birthday. For a catcher, in the NL with no option to DH, this basically makes him a non-factor. Moving on, we have Russell Martin. Never played in the majors. Next, Dioner Navarro, who actually smacked for .273 in 176 AB's last year for the Dodgers. He also knocked in 14 runs. Fantastic. If you're the opposing manager, why walk their 8 spot to get to their pitcher if they're both easy outs?

Did anyone think something good was gonna happen when the McCourt's took over? This organization is a mess. Frank McCourt's title is 'Chairman.' Tommy Lasorda is going by the alias 'Special Advisor to the Chairman.' Jamie McCourt, the ball and chain, is going around as 'Vice Chairman and President.' You've got the following exchange occurring between Met's scouts and Kim Ng, 'VP and Asst. GM,' 

Mets: "Where are you from!?"
Ng: "China"
Mets: "What country in China!?"

... and then blaming their racist outbursts on the Atkin's diet. In short, the Dodger's organization, along with the entire NL West, is one giant Circus.

Colorado Rockies

Here is another team grappling with the fact that someone built their ballpark in a way that makes it impossible to win. Coor's field is a launch pad, not a baseball park. A few years ago, USA Today ran a story saying that analysis had revealed that Coors Field is the worst park for pitcher's ERA. I didn't know that. Anyway, Shawn Chacon couldn't be happier to get out of Coors, first off. Next, remember last year when the Rockies acquired the 'expendable, $10 million mistake,' Byung-Hyun Kim? That's what Boston called him after he posted a 6.23 ERA in 2004. And you ship him off to Coors. His debut for the team was nuts - 6 hits, 2 homers, and 8 runs. One out. That's an ERA of 216.00. Incredible. The best part? It wasn't even at Coors. Then, he threatened to quit if he didn't get better. More circus action. I don't think it's ever been easier to point to an exact moment in a guy's career when he went from good to bad. The minute Derek Jeter homered off Kim in Game 4 of the 2001 World Series to win the game - which was just tied after Tino Martinez's 2-run jack off Kim made it 3-3 - Kim started to go bad. In Game 5, Kim gives up a game-tying Homer to Scott Brosius, and the Yankees end up winning that game in extras as well. I don't really care where Kim is now, but the Rockies are still terrible, and that's no mystery. They're not going anywhere. I don't care if MLB.com is leading with a story of your young prospects. Remember when Clint Barmes got taken out for months last year because of a grocery/stairway incident? It's that kind of thing that happens in the NL West. Sure, maybe the Rockies are on the upswing or whatever. But they're still a giant circus of a team. First they decided to go with the big bats strategy to win games. That kinda worked. Then they decided to go with pitching, that didn't work. Then they tried fast fielders. Failed. Get a plan, and good luck.

San Francisco Giants

Barry Bonds. As if you could get any more tragic than that.

In Conclusion...

The NL West is still a circus. Get your act together, pack up the tents, and then you can be reconsidered. Until then, the NL only has 11 teams.

Thanks for reading. Leave comments and emails. I've been gone the whole previous week, and a post regarding current baseball events will soon follow.